Nicole/ May 19, 2016/ Family

My dear handsome boy,

Mommy’s sorry.

I’m sorry for bringing you into a heartless, selfish world.

My biggest hope is to teach you love and compassion that will enable you to grow with confidence and value relationships. I’m sorry the boy at the toddler gymnastics class pushed you down for no reason. I’m sorry the kids at the park don’t want to include you in their clique. I’m sorry it’s not easy for mommy to make new mommy friends to help give you more friends to play with regularly. I’m sorry we have to move all the time, taking you away from your friends and having to start all over again finding new ones.

I hope the world doesn’t taint your beautiful heart. I hope you show the world what true beauty and value is. You are such an incredible child full of love and life. I cherish every day with you as you teach me a whole new level of love.

I’m sorry for breaking down.

Sometimes mommy feels overwhelmed with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Sometimes it’s not actually the spilled milk on the floor that makes mommy cry. It’s mommy feeling alone and lost. It’s mommy feeling like she is failing at providing you with everything you need with the environment we live in. Sometimes mommy doesn’t know what to do when emotions become overwhelming. It’s ok to cry, and mommy feels terrible for crying in front of you, but your hugs help. Your laughter helps. You’re such a big helper and that makes me love you so much more.

I’m sorry for not always being the best mom.

Mommy knows she could be doing better. She should give you more time. She should give you more snuggles. She should give you another bite of ice cream on that hot summer day. She should have protected you from that fall when you jumped off the couch. She should have protected you from that shove from the little boy in toddler gymnastics. She should have pulled over the car when you were upset. She should have waited for you to be ready to get dressed instead of wrestling that t-shirt and pants on so you would be ready to go out of the house. As hard as mommy tries, sometimes she fails to be there the way she should or could.

I’m sorry the puppy keeps nipping your arms.

Mommy is sorry the puppy is such a butt sometimes with nipping your arms, legs, and toys. She thought having a puppy would distract you from boredom. She thought that puppy would help time go by faster when daddy is away. She knew how much you would love that puppy. One day soon that puppy will stop teething. Mommy loves how much you care for your puppy and will hug and kiss those arms every time that puppy nips.

I’m sorry mommy is so tired sometimes.

Mommy is sorry for being so tired sometimes. Thank you for allowing her the occasional nap while you play quietly with your toys. Mommy wishes she wasn’t tired and didn’t need a nap so she could play with you instead. Mommy knows these days are limited and doesn’t want to miss a thing.

I’m sorry you won’t have the incredible childhood of generations preceding you.

Mommy is sorry you won’t know what its like to have a sunset curfew. Mommy is sorry you’ll never experience a life without the internet, GPS, smart phones, or computers – when you’re a little older we can take some vacations and camp out technology-free. Mommy is sorry you won’t know what its like to have the freedom to ride your bike a few miles to your friend’s house to play as you feel like it. Mommy is sorry you won’t know what its like to have all the freedom she and grandpa had when they were growing up.

I’m sorry we spent the past hour trying to get dressed.

Mommy doesn’t like to fight with you and she does realize that hour spent wrestling trying to make you put on a pull-up and clothes could have been better spent reading books or playing with your train set. Sometimes we need to go out of the house for important things like appointments and groceries. That does require clothes and needed devices designed to avoid being soaked when you refuse to use the potty. Mommy doesn’t like to fight with you over wearing clothes.

I’m sorry your daddy isn’t always around.

Daddy loves you just as much as mommy does. He doesn’t like being away, but sometimes he needs to in order to provide us with the life we are able to live. He misses you just as much as you miss him when he is gone. Please understand he doesn’t want to be away. Hold that puppy tight and come snuggle with mommy when you miss him the most. Hopefully in a few years his job title will change and allow him to be home more often. Mommy knows how much you miss him and prays every day for guidance to help you manage the inconsistent hours he works.

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Please always remember, mommy loves you.

Mommy loves you more than anything. She hurts when you hurt. She hurts when you cry. She is your biggest cheerleader and loves to read you the same book 100 times in a row. She loves holding your hand while you put your rain boots on the wrong feet. She loves how you mind your manners and hold her hand for walks around the kitchen island. She loves hearing your sweet voice as you learn to count and read. She loves your help with the dishes and laundry, even if it does take a few hours longer. She loves how you insist on vacuuming all by yourself, even if it does scuff up the couch and baseboard. She loves everything you do and all the time she spends watching you.

Please understand that mommy does her best.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes mommy doesn’t know what she is doing or why everything isn’t working. She tries her best to be everything and everywhere you need, knowing that’s not always possible. She tries to make up for daddy being gone sometimes, knowing that’s not always possible too. She tries her best to dry your tears, hug away everything that startles you, and bring that warm smile back to your face.

Mommy is sorry, but she is trying her best.

About Nicole

I am a wife, a mom, and a curious mind. I run and www.EssentialOils.Life, and love living a relatively old fashioned lifestyle with an extensive background in research and analysis. I enjoy creating things, cooking, teaching, personal development, and natural preventative health. I'm also a huge information nerd and love to share my findings with others.